Vaginismus Awareness - Support, Advice & Resources

Group Therapy for Vaginismus 2026

Tue, 23 Sep 2025 05:51:12 -0700

We’re Zoe and Ella, the founders of The Speakeasy Space. We first met during our psychotherapy training and are now both COSRT Registered Psychosexual and Relationship Therapists. Between us, we’ve worked with people experiencing vaginismus in both the NHS and private practice, and we’ve seen first-hand how isolating and overwhelming it can feel when sex is painful.

We created The Speakeasy Space because we believe no one should have to go through this alone. Talking about vaginismus or painful sex can be incredibly hard, and support services are often difficult to access. Our mission is to change that by offering a safe, supportive place where you can feel understood, explore your experiences, and begin moving from pain to pleasure.

Our first group therapy programme starts in January 2026 and is open to anyone with a vagina experiencing vaginismus or painful sex, whether you have a formal diagnosis or not. If painful sex or the fear of it is affecting your relationships, dating life, or sense of self, this group is here for you.

The programme runs for six weeks, and each session focuses on a different theme. We draw on psychotherapy principles and a sex therapy approach, combining self-reflection, processing emotions, sharing experiences, and learning new perspectives, tools, and techniques. You’ll also receive a workbook via email before the group begins, which you’ll use during sessions and for homework between them.

The group is co-facilitated by both of us and will have a maximum of 12 participants, ensuring plenty of time and space for everyone. There will also be the option to join a peer-support WhatsApp group, so you can...Read More

Celebrating 10 Years of Vaginismus Awareness

Fri, 12 Sep 2025 08:36:25 -0700

We know vaginismus isn’t just physically challenging - it takes an emotional toll too. Over the years, many people have shared their experiences with us. They feel isolated, dismissed, or too embarrassed to talk about what’s happening in their bodies. That’s why we created Vaginismus Awareness Day. This day encourages conversations, spreads understanding, and highlights the support and treatment options available.

In 2025, we’re proud to mark the 10th anniversary of this awareness day, celebrating a whole decade of community, education, and empowerment.

Understanding Vaginismus

Vaginismus happens when the muscles around the vagina tighten involuntarily, especially during penetration. This can make sex, using tampons, or even routine gynaecological exams uncomfortable, difficult, or impossible.

There’s no single cause - because our minds and bodies are complex. Stress, anxiety, past experiences, fear of pain, or simply not feeling fully familiar with your body can all play a role.

The good news? With the right guidance and support, most people see progress. Many go on to enjoy sexual pleasure, vaginal penetration if they choose, and a renewed sense of confidence in their bodies.

Why Professional Support Matters

It can be tempting to try to figure things out on your own, but self-diagnosis isn’t safe when it comes to vaginismus. Everyone’s experience is different, and symptoms can overlap with other conditions. A qualified therapist, doctor, or pelvic floor specialist can give you an accurate diagnosis, guide you through safe treatment, and offer emotional support along the way.

Sh! and the World’s First Soft Silicone Vibrating Dilator Set

We know vaginismus can be...Read More

Vaginismus Study

Tue, 05 Aug 2025 07:57:16 -0700

We recieved an email from Melisa Eyuboglu, Counselling Psychology Doctoral Candidate at City St Georges, University of London:

Melisa is looking for volunteers to take part in a study exploring how women who have lived with secondary vaginismus experience their bodies while using psychosexual exercises - specifically sensate focus or vaginal dilators.

Do you have or have you had secondary vaginismus?
Have you used sensate focus exercises or vaginal dilator
Do you live in the UK?

.HOW: As a participant in this study, you would be asked to attendone interview lasting approximately 60 minutes (online or face to face) to discuss your experience.

COMPENSATION: In appreciation for your time, you will be compensated with a £10 Amazon voucher.r.

CONTACT: For more information about this study, or to participate, please contact: Melisa Eyuboglu at melisa.eyuboglu@city.ac.ukuk

This study has been reviewed by and recieved ethics clearance (ETH2425-0249) through the Research Ethics Committee...Read More

My Story with Vaginismus

Fri, 18 Jul 2025 06:24:04 -0700

Please read the story with caution. You may find the content distressing or traumatic and if you do, please take a break and maybe call a friend, or engage in an activity that will help ground you. Love, Team Sh! xx

When I was 16, I went through some sexual trauma, but that's not where this began.

I grew up with a muslim father. Boys were forbidden, and I was told they were all bad and would use me. My parents got a divorce when I was 8. My mother was too openly sexual around us, leaving toys about and telling us she's poly. My relationship and knowledge of intimacy were lacking, and sex was very much not talked about. I didn't know a lot, even about my own body.

When I didn't want to but was pressured and convinced into losing my virginity, it was and still has been the most excruciating pain I have felt. He told me the pain would go as I stretch, but the pain never went. I just got more numb, and this happened over and over, and now I struggle to feel any pleasure. And when I left that situation, I was SA by the other guys who wouldn't take no.

I then got my first boyfriend at 17, and that's when I went to a doctor and was told I have vaginismus. He couldn't deal with the fact I couldn't have sex (and other issues, of course), but he broke it off. He said some really nasty things to me about myself and got on Tinder to sleep with someone 2 weeks after. I always blamed myself - always thought my body was the issue, and I felt so unlovable and like no one would ever want to be with me the way I am.

I'm now 20 and I had a bf who was ok with my situation, but because we hadn't been intimate for a while because I was having gynaecological issues, he was 'weak' and cheated on me with his work colleague. Just touching and getting off, no kissing or sex because he stopped...Read More

Q&A: What Comes After Dilators?

Wed, 02 Jul 2025 06:40:49 -0700

"I have found your dilators really helpful, but am now ready to progress, and for the first time in years, I'm finally feeling optimistic! I would be grateful if you could give me some suggestions as to how to progress from the dilators, because I want to avoid the disappointment of getting something I find difficult to use. I would really welcome your advice."

So, What Comes After Dilators?

Once you feel comfortable with your largest Sh! dilator (size 4 - 1 inch in diameter), the next step is to explore products that gently help your body continue adjusting while offering different sensations and possibilities.

Here are a few options we recommend:

The Wirly 3 Dildo - Non-Vibrating or Vibrating

The Sh! Wirly 3 slim dildo is a popular choice for those ready to transition from dilators. This dildo is made from the same body-safe silicone as our dilators, so it feels familiar. It offers a slightly larger size at 1.19 inches in diameter. Like the Sh! Vaginal dilators, the Wirly 3 dildo is handmade by our lovely team in our studio in London.

The insertable length of this dildo is just shy of 7 inches and the diameter is 1.2 inches. Bear in mind...Read More

Reclaiming Pleasure with Vaginismus

Fri, 20 Jun 2025 07:27:13 -0700

When living with vaginismus, it’s easy to get caught up in thoughts about what feels out of reach - like penetrative sex or traditional intercourse. The “can’ts” can feel overwhelming at times. But what if we flipped the script? What if, instead of focusing on limitations, we started exploring the possibilities?

Pleasure isn’t defined by one act or one way of experiencing intimacy. There are so many ways to connect with your body, enjoy sensation, and feel empowered - on your terms. From external stimulation and erogenous zones to toys, touch, and emotional intimacy, your journey with pleasure is entirely valid and entirely yours.

So let’s celebrate what you can do. Pleasure is still possible. Intimacy is still yours. And yes, joy and connection are absolutely within reach.

Clitoral Stimulation: The Key to Orgasm for Women & Vulva Owners

Here’s the truth: the majority of women & vulva owners need clitoral stimulation to orgasm. That’s right, penetration alone, whether by penis, fingers, or toys, usually isn’t enough. The real star of the show is the clitoris.

The clitoris is an incredible structure with a small, visible tip and a much larger internal network. The external tip alone contains around 10,000 nerve endings - more than any other part of the human body - which is why it’s often the centre of intense pleasure.

It's only job? PleasureRead More

Q&A: I Want A Vibrator For Vaginismus

Tue, 15 Apr 2025 08:45:35 -0700

Hi Team,

I sometimes experience vaginismus and would like to buy a vibrator to help with this. I was looking at either the The Bijou Bunny Rabbit Vibrator or there was another similar one. Any guidance appreciated. Thank you!

Hello,

Thanks for getting in touch!

The Bijou Bunny is a great little vibrator, but we'd like to ask a couple of questions before you place an order.

- Have you had vaginismus diagnosed by a GP, gynaecologist or therapist? If not, we recommend making an appointment for an investigation. You know your body best, but we never recommend self-diagnosing just in case there is another issue.

- You say you have vaginismus sometimes - does this mean you can occasionally have vaginal penetration without pain? If so, how many fingers are you comfortable with? We measure sex toys and dilators in fingers - 1 finger / 1.5 fingers / 2 fingers / and so on.

Bijou Bunny is about 2-3 fingers in girth at the widest point. It may be slightly too big, especially if you experience pain. (You don't mention this, but it's a common symptom of vaginismus.)

The Cuties Mini Rabbit VibratorIn 2017, I was in my final year at University and whilst scrolling on social media, I stumbled upon an article that completely changed my life. The headline went something like "How to tell if you have Vaginismus" and I figured it was worth a read.

I'd never come across the term Vaginismus until that day, yet I'd experienced pelvic pain most of my adult life. The more I read the article, the more I resonated with the pain, confusion and frustration that the author felt. I completely related to everything she described - from the initial pelvic pain she had experienced when first attempting to use a tampon, to the crippling fear she felt when having to undergo gynae appointments. How had I never heard of this before?

By the end of the article, I felt sure that I had Vaginismus. I immediately booked an appointment with my GP in Northern Ireland, filled with excitement that I finally understood what was going on with me and that I was going to get the help I needed.

From that initial appointment until now, I have had a mix of positive and negative experiences when trying to cure my Vaginismus, something I've since learnt is a universal experience. My initial GP appointment resulted in a referral for psychosexual therapy at a local hospital. I attended the appointment with optimism and hope, but left in tears. The therapist diagnosed me with Primary Vaginismus, putting it down to my 'Catholic upbringing', but gave me very little practical advice or support in order to overcome this. For what it's worth, I felt that I my Catholic upbringing was a stretch. I have a Catholic mother and a non-religious father and as a child was brought...Read More

Sh! Vibrating Dilators For Vaginismus

Tue, 01 Oct 2024 04:04:48 -0700

The Sh! Vibrating Vaginismus Dilators are a revolutionary tool for those navigating the challenges of vaginismus. Made from high-quality, body-safe silicone, these dilators are designed to be flexible and morecomfortable to use. What truly sets them apart is the addition of vibrations, which help to relax tense muscles while making the process more enjoyable and less clinical.

Vaginismus, characterized by the involuntary tightening of vaginal muscles,can make penetration painful or even impossible. While traditional dilators have long been a standard treatment, the Sh! Vibrating Dilators elevate the experience. The gentle vibrations help to calm the area, making insertion and dilation more comfortable and even pleasurable. This feature can be incredibly
empowering, allowing users to gradually regain control over their bodies in away that feels supportive and non-intimidating.

The set includes four different sizes, allowing users to begin with a smaller option and move up as they feel more confident. This personalized approach means each woman or vulva owner can progress at their own pace. The smooth material and gently tapered tips ensures easier insertion, while the vibrations provide additional relaxation, easing both the body and mind.

Best Lube For Conception

We’re thrilled to hear that the customer above was able to conceive while navigating her vaginismus journey. We understand how difficult (impossible, even) this can be for many.

Conceiving while managing vaginismus is challenging enough without the added issue of using lubricants that aren’t sperm-friendly. In fact, many lubricants can actually hinder conception by creating an environment that’s unfriendly to sperm.

If you’re actively trying to get pregnant, we...Read More

Sex Education: Vaginismus

Mon, 30 Sep 2024 05:49:33 -0700

I was 13 when I tried a tampon for the first time. I knew it could take a few goes but at 19 after many tears and boxes and boxes of tampons and still couldn't get one in I knew something wasn't right. Lily's vaginismus story from Sex Education (tv show) struck such a chord with me and I realised that must be what I had. I poured myself into researching vaginismus and started psychosexual therapy. All of the obvious reasons people develop vaginismus didn't make sense to me and I never really worked out why I had it.

I remember going for a check at the drs and her sticking a cotton swab in felt like knives. I told her that I thought I had vaginismus and she said I'd get over it when I found the right person which really frustrated me.

I made progress with dilators but still couldn't get past the stabbing pain and so I decided to have physical therapy just to check there wasn't anything physically wrong with me with a professional who knew about the condition. It was painful and invasive but I really made progress in only three
sessions.

At 21 I felt ready to date people which I'd never experienced before as I didn't want to land that on them for fear of them running away. I managed to have sex, if somewhat painfully with a few people I dated over the next few years and now have an amazing boyfriend who is patient
and understanding when I'm finding it too painful.

I still struggle with inserting tampons sometimes and sex is, more often than not, a bit uncomfortable but I have come leaps and bounds with the help of the Read More