A first hand account of vaginismus.
I have primary vaginismus most likely from being sexually abused at a young age. My first hint was the inability to insert a tampon. The first time caused me to pass out and then I avoided inserting a tampon. In 9th grade I made an attempt and couldn't insert and so lied and said I forgot my bathing suit when in reality I didn't have the ability to use a tampon.
"She said that she couldn't do exam and to come back when I got help. I was left confused with no answers and even more confusion."
I then avoided tampons. Then college I had a bad period experience that made my mom recommend a trip to the OBGYN. The OBGYN entered the room for a pap and didn't even touch me. I wasn't crying but she said that she couldn't do exam and to come back when I got help. I was left confused with no answers and even more confusion. Then I went to another OBGYN whom did the pap with a child speculum but it was painful.
I got married in 2005 and I was on my honeymoon when I learned I couldn't have sex. We tried everything, including getting drunk.
I came home a virgin.
I told my counselor whom specialized in working with women with a past. She laughed at me for saying I couldn't have sex.
I was left feeling even more like a freak and different and isolated. Then my mom found the condition in her medical book. We ordered dilators and I saw them and hid them in the closest.
Then I found a group on Yahoo and saw women making progress. I got them out and worked and struggled. It was a member that led me to my first PT. This PT didn't use dilators and only did myofacial stretching. I travel 2.5 hours each way for therapy every other week.
I had my oldest child in 2010 and I regressed after going from nothing to painful sex and back to nothing. It took me four years before I progressed back to painful sex. I then had my daughter. I regressed again to nothing.
I then found a new PT closer. Weekly visits and biofeedback and use of dilators.
"I finally got to the point of painfree sex."
I finally got to the point of painfree sex. I have not had to dilate or have sex on any regular basis and I'm cured. I now can use a menstrual cup, or a tampon and have exams.
The biggest factors to when progress was being made was determination, positive mind, documenting all things I noticed, and consistency. Never loose hope. Find a support group. Marriage is more than sex. I have been with the same guy for 11 years. He has been nothing but loving and understanding. He wants me physically. But he wants to be with me in any way that he can.t here.
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