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Home 2 in 1,000 women What is Vaginismus? What Can I Do? FAQ & Blog Resources Therapists Ask us a question
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  • We are the UK's first female focused sex shop, the content is NSFW, unless you have a _very_ cool boss
    • It's time to be free of pain

       

       

       

       

    • At least 2 in 1,000 women experience Vaginismus once in their lifetime

      ...and probably many more who may be too afraid or embarrassed to seek medical attention and help. With a 95% chance of treating the condition, it is time to talk about Vaginismus, shatter the isolation, eliminate the pain.

    • What is Vaginismus?

      "Vaginismus is the term used to describe recurrent or persistent involuntary tightening of muscles around the vagina whenever penetration is attempted."
      The symptoms include burning or stinging pain upon penetration, as well as intense fear or loss of desire when penetration is attempted.

      How does it develop? It is a complex psychosomatic condition, and the causes can be varied, such as painful first intercourse, sexual abuse, fear of pregnancy, or a deeply rooted belief that sex is wrong.

      Vaginismus isn't "only" about sex, it's about life. Penetrative sex is not the only thing its victims lose - let's be honest, not all of us prioritize that - but a sense of intimacy or self-worth too. It can painfully interfere with regular gynecological examinations, the use of tampons and period cups, or even childbirth. And if you have no one to talk to and share your experiences, the isolation can be unbearable.

       

      Let's fight the stigmas around vaginal sexual health and open up the conversation together

      Have a comment, questions or story to share? We'd love to hear from you!
    • I Have Vaginismus, What Can I Do?

      How to conquer the condition

      Know you are not alone:

      Reliable stats on Vaginismus are difficult to come by and the full picture is difficult to assess because there are many, many more uncounted individuals who suffer in silence. Most

      • Approximately 1 in 10 women have experienced painful intercourse in the last six months.
      • 2 out of every 1,000 women have at least moderate Vaginismus. 
      • Approximately 20% who seek help from sexual clinics are experiencing Vaginismus.
      • 53% of clinical Vaginismus patients are married.
      • Of those experiencing Vaginismus; 53% are between 25 and 35 years old, with 18% younger and 29% older.

      Get a diagnosis

      The main symptom of Vaginismus is an involuntary and painful tightening of the vagina, which may make penetration difficult or even impossible.

       

      For some, it's absolutely impossible to insert anything into their vagina, whether fingers or tampons. Others may be able to insert a tampon or participate in a gynecological exam, but penetrative sex is not possible. Again others suffering from Vaginismus may be able to experience penetrative sex, but find it painful.

       

      Other symptoms can include:

      • a burning or stinging pain when the vagina is penetrated 
      • intense fear of penetration and pain, which makes you avoid sex 
      • loss of sexual desire if penetration is attempted 

      The first step after you've realised you may have Vaginismus, is to seek professional help and confirm the diagnosis with your GP. As the NHS website clarifies, a vaginal examination will be necessary at some point to rule out a physical cause of Vaginismus, such as an injury, infection, or oversensitive nerves at the opening of the vagina (provoked vulvodynia).

       

      Seek treatment

      Is it treatable? Yes it is! Because it’s a condition that involves the head and body, the best thing to do is see a psychotherapist who knows about Vaginismus. All the therapists on the COSRT website will have had specific training in this. We strongly encourage you to seek out help from professionals, as treatment success rates hover around 95% in most clinical trials.

       

      If you have more questions about Vaginismus and would like to read advice from a trained sexual and relationship therapist, please go to the FAQ section just below.

       

       

       

       

      Seek treatment

      Is it treatable? Yes it is! Because it’s a condition that involves the head and body, the best thing to do is see a psychotherapist who knows about Vaginismus. All the therapists on the COSRT website will have had specific training in this. We strongly encourage you to seek out help from professionals, as treatment success rates hover around 95% in most clinical trials.

       

      If you have more questions about Vaginismus and would like to read advice from a trained sexual and relationship therapist, please go to the FAQ section just below.

       

       

       

       

    • FAQ & Blog

      Anonymous advice letters from our mailbox - huge thanks to Sarah Berry, Sex & Relationship Therapist, for her advice.

    • Resources

      All things helpful from reading to therapeutic tools and toys. Please be advised that our approach to healing Vaginismus is very sex-positive and as such, this section contains is NSFW parts.

      The Vaginismus Network

      The Vaginismus Network

      Break the isolation: Make friends and attend events

      A community for people with Vaginismus. Having suffered in silence for many years, the VN team understands how communication, information and understanding can be a great comfort and help in managing and overcoming this condition.

      Becoming Orgasmic Step-by-step programme for pre-orgasmic women

      Books to help you heal

      Sex Guides

      With Vaginismus and painful sex often comes a difficulty of reaching orgasm. Whilst a thundering climax may not be the most important thing when it comes to sex, never having one can certainly add to the feelings of frustration and helplessness.

       

      Not having an orgasm isn’t necessarily to do with Vaginismus, and the good news is that you can have one even if you have not yet progressed to penetration. Majority of women report that their orgasm originates from the clitoris, which means no insertion is necessary for sexual pleasure!

       

      Becoming Orgasmic contains a practical program to help women learn how to have an orgasm, or to have orgasms easier. It’s the self-help guide most often recommended by sex therapists and relationship counsellors.

       

      Ultimate Guide to Orgasm for Women is not a self-help guide, but still very useful when it comes to learning more abut women’s orgasms, and the different types of orgasms women can experience.

      Nancy Friday Forbidden Flowers

      Nancy Friday

      The sex-positive feminist

      Every woman should, at some point in her life, read a book by Nancy Friday, the American sex-positive feminist whose first book My Secret Garden caused uproar in the early 70’s.

       

      Friday spent time talking to women (and men) about their real-life fantasies, which she then compiled into four books. Allowing yourself to fantasise about the kind of sex you’d like to have is both liberating and arousing.

       

      Our pick:

       

      The Forbidden Forest

       

      Women on Top

       

      My Secret Garden

       

      Men in Love

      Sh! Soft Silicone Dilating Kit with Bullet Vibe

      Sh! Soft Silicone Dilating Kit with Bullet Vibe

      Created to help you advance towards pain-free penetration

      The kit consists of four soft and smooth silicone shafts of graded sizes, plus a vibrating bullet. Following and aiding therapeutic work, together with appropriate exercises, the Sh! Dilating Kit will help you transition to pain-free penetration.

       

      Learn more and get the dialating kit!

      Lube Sample kit

      Lubes and Vibrators

      Vibrating sex toys, or vibrators, are wonderful tools for helping to relax tense nerve-endings, and can make 'dialating' a LOT more pleasurable.

      Vibrators needn’t be big to be effective; even the teeny-tiny finger tip vibes can be both useful and fun.

       

      Go slow, and always add a generous amount of a lubricant you like the feel of. We recommend water-based lubricants as they are more body friendly. Opting for a paraben-free version lessens the risk of you developing irritation, so always look at the ingredients before making a purchase. Sh! Pure Lube is an excellent choice as it is body-friendly and hypoallergenic.

       

      Choosing a more viscous lube can often be helpful as the thicker liquid creates a soft, padded layer between fingers/toys and vulva or vagina. Sh! Pure Plus Lube is waterbased, paraben-free and viscous.

      Feelz Toys Finger Tip Vibrator

      Feelz Toys Finger Tip Vibrator

      Gentle fingertip vibes for exploring all erogenous zones

      • Two tiny fingertip vibrators encased in soft silicone
      • One red + one bright green vibe in each box 
      • Single-speed bullets powered by 2 x Micro Cell batteries(LR-41)
      • Suitable for newbies
      • Gentle vibration
      Purple finger bullet vibrator with textured surface

      The Power Finger Vibrator

      Powerful finger vibrator for all-over stimulation and arousal

      • Turn your finger into a buzzing wonder with this powerful finger vibrator
      • 10 vibration modes to choose from, with one strong vibration intensity
      • Perfect for solo pleasure or for couples looking to spice things up
      • USB rechargeable and made from 100% body-safe material
      • 100% waterproof for intense fun in the bath or shower
      Pink finger vibrator

      Silicone Finger Vibrator

      Sensual Finger Toy

      • Slip-on finger vibe delivers discreet, easy-to-control tingles
      • Soft silicone cover with gentle ribs for sensual stimulation
      • Shaped to deliver both pin-point and broader thrills
      • Waterproof for fun times in the shower
      • Removable single-speed bullet 
       Dory FInger Vibrator in Purple

      Dory Finger Vibrator

      Finger vibrator with 9 powerful modes to explore and enjoy

      • Silicone finger vibrator delivers powerful thrills 
      • Perfect for exploring around clitoris, labia and vagina opening
      • Comfortably wide silicone band to slide finger through
      • Waterproof for bath-time play and ease of cleaning
      • USB rechargeable 
      Mini Vibrator with Ribs

      Mini Ribbed Vibrator

      ​Ribbed Vibrator with Extra-Small Tip

      • Smooth silicone vibrator with flexible tip 
      • Ribbed shaft with teeny-tiny tip 
      • 7 pleasure modes + 3 powerful speeds to discover
      • Waterproof for relaxing play in bath or shower
      • Battery-operated 
      Slim black vibrator with small crystals around the base

      Crystal Chic Vibrator

      Slim and firm vibrator with 3 speeds

      • Slinky bullet vibrator in black
      • Smooth satin finish silicone
      • Genuine crystal adornment
      • 3 speeds with up to 14 hours of battery life
      • 100% Waterproof, body-safe and phthalate-free
      Slim vibrator in bright purple

      Slim Bullet Vibe

      Slender vibe with 10 pleasure modes

      • Slender vibrator with a round tip
      • Easy push-button control
      • 10 thrilling modes to explore 
      • Perfect for both solo & couples play
      • Classic design 
      Bright pink vibrator in classic design

      Gc Slim Waterproof Vibrator

      Single-speed vibe with tapered tip

      • Classic design
      • Single-speed with on-off button
      • Tapered tip for easy insertion
      • Long bullet-style vibrator
      • Waterproof for dilation in the bath or shower
      Mini Vibrator with G-spot tip in light pink

      Slender Mini G-spot Vibe

      ​Slim Vibrator for G-spot Exploration

      • Slimline vibrator with G-spot seeking tip 
      • 3 speeds + 7 pleasure patterns to enjoy
      • Smooth silicone shaft and tip
      • Waterproof for relaxing play in bath or shower
      • Battery-operated
      Sh! Mini Pink Vibrator Soft and flexible vibrator with curved tip fotr G-spot stimulation

      Sh! Mini Pink Vibrator

      Soft and flexible vibrator with curved tip for G-spot stimulation

      • Small vibrator with 4.25 inches of playable length
      • Single push-button with  7 vibrating settings
      • 1 inch shaft offers sensual sensations when used internally
      • Quiet - Emits only a slight hum, making it a very discreet playmate
      • Body-safe silicone & waterproof for easy cleaning.
      Cora G-spot vibrator in pink-red colour

      Cora G-spot Vibrator

      Longer handle for ease of use.

      • Slender vibrator with angled G-spot-seeking tip
      • Made from smooth silicone
      • Strong vibrations with 5 settings and 10 speeds
      • USB rechargeable and waterproof
      • 1-year guarantee
      Cora slim rabbit vibrator in red

      Cora Slim Rabbit Vibrator

      Slim and super-flexible dual stimulator

      • Very slim rabbit vibe: 4.5" x 1" diameter at widest
      • Silicone sex toy, free from phthalates and latex
      • Long shaft makes it easier to hold and reach
      • 10 modes + 5 speeds to explore and enjoy
      • Waterproof and USB rechargeable
      Slim G-spot Vibrator

      Ana Slim G-spot Vibrator

      ​Exceptionally Flexible and Soft G-spot Vibrator

      • Covered in seamless silicone 
      • Super-bendy vibe for comfortable exploration
      • Waterproof for fun times in the bath or shower
      • 9 pleasure modes to enjoy
      • USB rechargeable 
      A slim vibrator in purple with remote control

      Super Flexible Vibe with Remote Control

      Bendable sex toy

      • Soft silicone vibrator with flexible spine
      • Made from body-safe silicone
      • Curves to suit your natural shape
      • 9-speed dual motors with multiple functions
      • 1" wide x 8" long
      G-spot vibrator in purple

      Bliss G-spot Vibrator

      Mid-size ​Vibrator with Flexible Tip

      • Smooth silicone vibe with curvy tip 
      • About 2 fingers in girth, suitable next-step option after Sh! dilators 
      • 7 strong settings controlled by single push-button
      • Waterproof for easy cleaning and use in bath or shower
      • Battery-operated
      Sh! Silicone Dildo in marble purple and white, with a heart-shaped base.

      Silicone Dildos

      Don't fancy the idea of using a dilator? Opt for a soft, flexible silicone dildo instead.

      • Hand-poured in the Sh! Lab in East London
      • Made from body-safe silicone (phthalate-free, hypo-allergenic and non-porous)
      • Available in a wide range of sizes and colours
      • Available as vibration versions
      • All Sh! dildos feature our signature heart-shaped bases
    • Therapists

      Choose a professional who understands your condition!

      Sarah Berry Sex & Relationship Therapist

      Sarah Berry

      Sex & Relationship Therapist

       

      Having sought therapy for my own sexual difficulties, I have an understanding about how difficult sex and relationship problems can be and how they can impact your life.

       

       

      http://www.sarahberrytherapy.co.uk/

      Kate Moyle Psychosexual & Relationship Therapist

      Kate Moyle

      Psychosexual & Relationship Therapist

      I believe in helping people to get to a place where they feel in control
      of their bodies again; working towards sexual wellbeing, health and
      happiness.

      www.katemoyle.co.uk | www.thethoughthouse.co.uk

      John O'Reilley Psychosexual & Relationship Therapist

      John O'Reilley

      Psychosexual & Relationship Therapist

      I am qualified with a British Association for Sexual & Relationship Therapy and have been working in this area since 2002. I have assisted many women and couples struggling with vaginismus.

       

       www.johnoreilly.co.uk
       

      Karen Pollock LGBTQ  Councellor

      Karen Pollock

      LGBTQ Councellor

      I am a registered member of the BACP, working towards COSRT accreditation and specialising in LGBTQ issuess. I offer empathetic, non judgemental open-minded counselling in Northumberland

       

       

      www.counsellinginnorthumberland.com

      Northumberlandcounselling@gmail.com

      Krystal Woodbridge Psychosexual & Relationship Therapist

      Krystal Woodbridge

      Psychosexual & Relationship Therapist

      I am a member of COSRT and a qualified nurse working in St Albans. I am a registered therapist with Pink Therapy and a former winner of the COSRT post-graduate award for work in psychosexual therapy.

       

      www.woodbridgetherapy.co.uk

      krystal@woodbridgetherapy.co.uk

      Trudy Hannington Psychosexual & Relationship Therapist

      Trudy Hannington

      Psychosexual & Relationship Therapist

      I am a Psychosexual Therapist at the Leger Clinic, in Doncaster, and Chair of The College of Sexual and Relationship Therapists, as well a member of the British Association of Sexual and Relationship Therapy.

       

      www.legerclinic.co.uk/

      appointment@legerclinic.co.uk

      Clare Staunton Sex and Relationship Councellor

      Clare Staunton

      Sex and Relationship Councellor

      I'll work holistically to help you gain a sexual identity where pleasure and consent are at its heart - reducing anxiety around intimacy.
      I'm based in West London, contact details below if you'd like to get in touch.
       

       

      www.sexualhealinguk.com/

      sexualhealinguk@hotmail.com

      Mike Lousada Psychosexual & Relationship Therapist

      Mike Lousada

      Psychosexual & Relationship Therapist

      I have been practicing as a Psychosexual Somatic® Practitioner in different forms for most of my adult life. My psychotherapeutic influences come from many different schools, and is currently working in London.

       

       

      www.mikelousada.com/

      info@mikelousada.com

      Carolyn Staunton Psychosexual & Relationship Therapist

      Carolyn Staunton

      Psychosexual & Relationship Therapist

      I am Carolyn Cowan, a Psychosexual & Relationship Therapist who is also a sex addiction therapist & a member of COSRT & ATSAC. You can make appointments to see me in Belgravia, central or south London. I can also work via Skype or FaceTime.

       

      www.sexhelp.org.uk

       info@carolyncowan.com 

      Kirstie McEwan Psychosexual & Relationship Therapist

      Kirstie McEwan

      Psychosexual & Relationship Therapist

      I have then undertaken further specialist training with Pink Therapy to work with sexual and gender diversity.I am registered with the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP) and I am also a general member of COSRT, currently working toward accreditation.

       

       

       

       

      www.counsellingwithconfidence.co.uk

      info@counsellingwithconfidence.co.uk

      Dr Su Yap Clinical Psychologist and Psycho-sexologist (ESSM/EFS certified)​

      Dr Su Yap

      Clinical Psychologist and Psycho-sexologist (ESSM/EFS certified)​

      I work as a Principal Clinical Psychologist in a NHS sexual health clinic, and am an active member of the British Society of Sexual Medicine. I run a successful private practice with individuals and couples I take a holistic view of the person, looking at biological, psychological & social factors that cause sexual problems. I use psychological techniques that scientific research has shown to be effective for sexual problems.

      http://mindsurgerylondon.co.uk/

      mindsurgerylondon@gmail.com

      Rima Hawkins Rela​tionship and Psychosexual Therapist

      Rima Hawkins

      Rela​tionship and Psychosexual Therapist

       

      I am a professionally qualified COSRT accredited, BACP registered therapist with over 20 years of sexual health experience. I have a private practice in Chelsea and Fulham. My main interests are female clients with psychosexual issues and clients who have inter/cross cultural relationship issues. My primary mode of working is Humanistic-Integrative Psychotherapy.

       

      http://www.rimahawkins.com/

       

      Can't find what you're looking for?

      Visit the College of Sex and Relationship Therapist's website for a full list of COSRT therapists in your area. COSRT accreditation is awarded to psychosexual therapists who have met strict criteria in training, experience, knowledge, ethical standards, clinical skills and commitment to continuous professional development; this is audited annually.

       

       

      www.cosrt.org.uk

    • Ask us a question or share your story!

      We know suffering from vaginismus can be frightening and isolating. We are here to answer your questions and connect you to other women fighting it.

      ahoy@pinkbreeze.co
      Submit

    © 2020 Sh! Brands LTD

     

    Are you a journalist or blogger wanting to know more, write about vaginismus or help us spread the word? Please do get in touch.

    Are you a sexual therapist with extensive experience in vaginismus? We'd love to feature you as well!

    Please e-mail hello@sh-womenstore.com

     

    Tel: 03333 444 005

     

     

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