The Pleasure Pioneers
What is Vaginismus?
"Vaginismus is the term used to describe recurrent or persistent involuntary tightening of muscles around the vagina whenever penetration is attempted."
The symptoms include burning or stinging pain upon penetration, as well as intense fear or loss of desire when penetration is attempted.
How does it develop? It is a complex psychosomatic condition, and the causes can be varied, such as painful first intercourse, sexual abuse, fear of pregnancy, or a deeply rooted belief that sex is wrong.
Vaginismus isn't "only" about sex, it's about life. Penetrative sex is not the only thing its victims lose - let's be honest, not all of us prioritize that - but a sense of intimacy or self-worth too. It can painfully interfere with regular gynecological examinations, the use of tampons and period cups, or even childbirth. And if you have no one to talk to and share your experiences, the isolation can be unbearable.Let's fight the stigmas around vaginal sexual health and open up the conversation together
Resources
All things helpful from reading to therapeutic tools and toys. Please be advised that our approach to healing Vaginismus is very sex-positive and as such, this section contains is NSFW parts.
The Vaginismus Network
Break the isolation: Make friends and attend events
A community for people with Vaginismus. Having suffered in silence for many years, the VN team understands how communication, information and understanding can be a great comfort and help in managing and overcoming this condition.
Books to help you heal
Sex Guides
With Vaginismus and painful sex often comes a difficulty of reaching orgasm. Whilst a thundering climax may not be the most important thing when it comes to sex, never having one can certainly add to the feelings of frustration and helplessness.
Not having an orgasm isn’t necessarily to do with Vaginismus, and the good news is that you can have one even if you have not yet progressed to penetration. Majority of women report that their orgasm originates from the clitoris, which means no insertion is necessary for sexual pleasure!
Becoming Orgasmic contains a practical program to help women learn how to have an orgasm, or to have orgasms easier. It’s the self-help guide most often recommended by sex therapists and relationship counsellors.
Ultimate Guide to Orgasm for Women is not a self-help guide, but still very useful when it comes to learning more abut women’s orgasms, and the different types of orgasms women can experience.
Nancy Friday
The sex-positive feminist
Every woman should, at some point in her life, read a book by Nancy Friday, the American sex-positive feminist whose first book My Secret Garden caused uproar in the early 70’s.
Friday spent time talking to women (and men) about their real-life fantasies, which she then compiled into four books. Allowing yourself to fantasise about the kind of sex you’d like to have is both liberating and arousing.
Our pick:
Sh! Soft Silicone Dilating Kit with Bullet Vibe
Created to help you advance towards pain-free penetration
The kit consists of four soft and smooth silicone shafts of graded sizes, plus a vibrating bullet. Following and aiding therapeutic work, together with appropriate exercises, the Sh! Dilating Kit will help you transition to pain-free penetration.
Lubes and Vibrators
Vibrating sex toys, or vibrators, are wonderful tools for helping to relax tense nerve-endings, and can make 'dialating' a LOT more pleasurable.
Vibrators needn’t be big to be effective; even the teeny-tiny finger tip vibes can be both useful and fun.
Go slow, and always add a generous amount of a lubricant you like the feel of. We recommend water-based lubricants as they are more body friendly. Opting for a paraben-free version lessens the risk of you developing irritation, so always look at the ingredients before making a purchase. Sh! Pure Lube is an excellent choice as it is body-friendly and hypoallergenic.
Choosing a more viscous lube can often be helpful as the thicker liquid creates a soft, padded layer between fingers/toys and vulva or vagina. Sh! Pure Plus Lube is waterbased, paraben-free and viscous.
Feelz Toys Finger Tip Vibrator
Gentle fingertip vibes for exploring all erogenous zones
- Two tiny fingertip vibrators encased in soft silicone
- One red + one bright green vibe in each box
- Single-speed bullets powered by 2 x Micro Cell batteries(LR-41)
- Suitable for newbies
- Gentle vibration
The Power Finger Vibrator
Powerful finger vibrator for all-over stimulation and arousal
- Turn your finger into a buzzing wonder with this powerful finger vibrator
- 10 vibration modes to choose from, with one strong vibration intensity
- Perfect for solo pleasure or for couples looking to spice things up
- USB rechargeable and made from 100% body-safe material
- 100% waterproof for intense fun in the bath or shower
Silicone Finger Vibrator
Sensual Finger Toy
- Slip-on finger vibe delivers discreet, easy-to-control tingles
- Soft silicone cover with gentle ribs for sensual stimulation
- Shaped to deliver both pin-point and broader thrills
- Waterproof for fun times in the shower
- Removable single-speed bullet
Dory Finger Vibrator
Finger vibrator with 9 powerful modes to explore and enjoy
- Silicone finger vibrator delivers powerful thrills
- Perfect for exploring around clitoris, labia and vagina opening
- Comfortably wide silicone band to slide finger through
- Waterproof for bath-time play and ease of cleaning
- USB rechargeable
Mini Ribbed Vibrator
Ribbed Vibrator with Extra-Small Tip
- Smooth silicone vibrator with flexible tip
- Ribbed shaft with teeny-tiny tip
- 7 pleasure modes + 3 powerful speeds to discover
- Waterproof for relaxing play in bath or shower
- Battery-operated
Crystal Chic Vibrator
Slim and firm vibrator with 3 speeds
- Slinky bullet vibrator in black
- Smooth satin finish silicone
- Genuine crystal adornment
- 3 speeds with up to 14 hours of battery life
- 100% Waterproof, body-safe and phthalate-free
Slim Bullet Vibe
Slender vibe with 10 pleasure modes
- Slender vibrator with a round tip
- Easy push-button control
- 10 thrilling modes to explore
- Perfect for both solo & couples play
- Classic design
Gc Slim Waterproof Vibrator
Single-speed vibe with tapered tip
- Classic design
- Single-speed with on-off button
- Tapered tip for easy insertion
- Long bullet-style vibrator
- Waterproof for dilation in the bath or shower
Slender Mini G-spot Vibe
Slim Vibrator for G-spot Exploration
- Slimline vibrator with G-spot seeking tip
- 3 speeds + 7 pleasure patterns to enjoy
- Smooth silicone shaft and tip
- Waterproof for relaxing play in bath or shower
- Battery-operated
Sh! Mini Pink Vibrator
Soft and flexible vibrator with curved tip for G-spot stimulation
- Small vibrator with 4.25 inches of playable length
- Single push-button with 7 vibrating settings
- 1 inch shaft offers sensual sensations when used internally
- Quiet - Emits only a slight hum, making it a very discreet playmate
- Body-safe silicone & waterproof for easy cleaning.
Cora G-spot Vibrator
Longer handle for ease of use.
- Slender vibrator with angled G-spot-seeking tip
- Made from smooth silicone
- Strong vibrations with 5 settings and 10 speeds
- USB rechargeable and waterproof
- 1-year guarantee
Cora Slim Rabbit Vibrator
Slim and super-flexible dual stimulator
- Very slim rabbit vibe: 4.5" x 1" diameter at widest
- Silicone sex toy, free from phthalates and latex
- Long shaft makes it easier to hold and reach
- 10 modes + 5 speeds to explore and enjoy
- Waterproof and USB rechargeable
Ana Slim G-spot Vibrator
Exceptionally Flexible and Soft G-spot Vibrator
- Covered in seamless silicone
- Super-bendy vibe for comfortable exploration
- Waterproof for fun times in the bath or shower
- 9 pleasure modes to enjoy
- USB rechargeable
Super Flexible Vibe with Remote Control
Bendable sex toy
- Soft silicone vibrator with flexible spine
- Made from body-safe silicone
- Curves to suit your natural shape
- 9-speed dual motors with multiple functions
- 1" wide x 8" long
Bliss G-spot Vibrator
Mid-size Vibrator with Flexible Tip
- Smooth silicone vibe with curvy tip
- About 2 fingers in girth, suitable next-step option after Sh! dilators
- 7 strong settings controlled by single push-button
- Waterproof for easy cleaning and use in bath or shower
- Battery-operated
Silicone Dildos
Don't fancy the idea of using a dilator? Opt for a soft, flexible silicone dildo instead.
- Hand-poured in the Sh! Lab in East London
- Made from body-safe silicone (phthalate-free, hypo-allergenic and non-porous)
- Available in a wide range of sizes and colours
- Available as vibration versions
- All Sh! dildos feature our signature heart-shaped bases
Therapists
Choose a professional who understands your condition!
Sarah Berry
Sex & Relationship Therapist
Having sought therapy for my own sexual difficulties, I have an understanding about how difficult sex and relationship problems can be and how they can impact your life.
Kate Moyle
Psychosexual & Relationship Therapist
I believe in helping people to get to a place where they feel in control
of their bodies again; working towards sexual wellbeing, health and
happiness.
www.katemoyle.co.uk | www.thethoughthouse.co.uk
John O'Reilley
Psychosexual & Relationship Therapist
I am qualified with a British Association for Sexual & Relationship Therapy and have been working in this area since 2002. I have assisted many women and couples struggling with vaginismus.
Karen Pollock
LGBTQ Councellor
I am a registered member of the BACP, working towards COSRT accreditation and specialising in LGBTQ issuess. I offer empathetic, non judgemental open-minded counselling in Northumberland
www.counsellinginnorthumberland.com
Northumberlandcounselling@gmail.com
Krystal Woodbridge
Psychosexual & Relationship Therapist
I am a member of COSRT and a qualified nurse working in St Albans. I am a registered therapist with Pink Therapy and a former winner of the COSRT post-graduate award for work in psychosexual therapy.
www.woodbridgetherapy.co.uk
krystal@woodbridgetherapy.co.uk
Trudy Hannington
Psychosexual & Relationship Therapist
I am a Psychosexual Therapist at the Leger Clinic, in Doncaster, and Chair of The College of Sexual and Relationship Therapists, as well a member of the British Association of Sexual and Relationship Therapy.
www.legerclinic.co.uk/
appointment@legerclinic.co.uk
Clare Staunton
Sex and Relationship Councellor
I'll work holistically to help you gain a sexual identity where pleasure and consent are at its heart - reducing anxiety around intimacy.
I'm based in West London, contact details below if you'd like to get in touch.
www.sexualhealinguk.com/
sexualhealinguk@hotmail.com
Mike Lousada
Psychosexual & Relationship Therapist
I have been practicing as a Psychosexual Somatic® Practitioner in different forms for most of my adult life. My psychotherapeutic influences come from many different schools, and is currently working in London.
www.mikelousada.com/
info@mikelousada.com
Carolyn Staunton
Psychosexual & Relationship Therapist
I am Carolyn Cowan, a Psychosexual & Relationship Therapist who is also a sex addiction therapist & a member of COSRT & ATSAC. You can make appointments to see me in Belgravia, central or south London. I can also work via Skype or FaceTime.
www.sexhelp.org.uk
Kirstie McEwan
Psychosexual & Relationship Therapist
I have then undertaken further specialist training with Pink Therapy to work with sexual and gender diversity.I am registered with the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP) and I am also a general member of COSRT, currently working toward accreditation.
www.counsellingwithconfidence.co.uk
Dr Su Yap
Clinical Psychologist and Psycho-sexologist (ESSM/EFS certified)
I work as a Principal Clinical Psychologist in a NHS sexual health clinic, and am an active member of the British Society of Sexual Medicine. I run a successful private practice with individuals and couples I take a holistic view of the person, looking at biological, psychological & social factors that cause sexual problems. I use psychological techniques that scientific research has shown to be effective for sexual problems.
http://mindsurgerylondon.co.uk/
Rima Hawkins
Relationship and Psychosexual Therapist
I am a professionally qualified COSRT accredited, BACP registered therapist with over 20 years of sexual health experience. I have a private practice in Chelsea and Fulham. My main interests are female clients with psychosexual issues and clients who have inter/cross cultural relationship issues. My primary mode of working is Humanistic-Integrative Psychotherapy.
http://www.rimahawkins.com/
Can't find what you're looking for?
Visit the College of Sex and Relationship Therapist's website for a full list of COSRT therapists in your area. COSRT accreditation is awarded to psychosexual therapists who have met strict criteria in training, experience, knowledge, ethical standards, clinical skills and commitment to continuous professional development; this is audited annually.
