When living with vaginismus, it’s easy to get caught up in thoughts about what feels out of reach - like penetrative sex or traditional intercourse. The “can’ts” can feel overwhelming at times. But what if we flipped the script? What if, instead of focusing on limitations, we started exploring the possibilities?
Pleasure isn’t defined by one act or one way of experiencing intimacy. There are so many ways to connect with your body, enjoy sensation, and feel empowered - on your terms. From external stimulation and erogenous zones to toys, touch, and emotional intimacy, your journey with pleasure is entirely valid and entirely yours.
So let’s celebrate what you can do. Pleasure is still possible. Intimacy is still yours. And yes, joy and connection are absolutely within reach.
Clitoral Stimulation: The Key to Orgasm for Women & Vulva Owners
Here’s the truth: the majority of women & vulva owners need clitoral stimulation to orgasm. That’s right, penetration alone, whether by penis, fingers, or toys, usually isn’t enough. The real star of the show is the clitoris.
The clitoris is an incredible structure with a small, visible tip and a much larger internal network. The external tip alone contains around 10,000 nerve endings - more than any other part of the human body - which is why it’s often the centre of intense pleasure.
It's only job? Pleasure. That’s it.
But the clitoris can be selective about how it likes to be touched. Direct stimulation can sometimes feel too intense or even painful. Instead, try approaching it from the side. Picture the clitoris as the centre of a clock face, with 12 at the top and 6 at the bottom. Stimulating around the 10–11 o’clock or 1–2 o’clock positions is often more pleasurable and arousing.
The most important thing? Listen to your body. Every clitoris is different, and discovering what feels good is part of the journey.
Clitoral Vibrators
Clitoral vibrators are a fantastic way to explore pleasure, connect with your body, and discover what feels good in a gentle way. Designed specifically to stimulate the external clitoris, these vibrators come in a wide range of shapes, sizes, and intensities. Whether you're looking for something subtle and soothing or powerful and precise, clit vibes offer a non-penetrative pleasure option for solo or partnered play.
Finger Vibrators
If you're new to sex toys or feeling a bit apprehensive, a finger vibrator can be a gentle place to start. These small, discreet toys slip over your finger, allowing you to explore at your own pace with a familiar touch. Their size and simplicity make them less intimidating than larger toys while still offering satisfying vibrations to help build confidence and comfort with your body.
Don’t let their size fool you - bullet vibrators pack a powerful punch in a petite package. These compact, discreet toys are perfect for targeted clitoral stimulation and are ideal for both beginners and seasoned pleasure-seekers alike. Their simple shape and easy-to-use design make them a great first vibrator.
Bullet vibes are travel-friendly, often waterproof, and come in a range of speeds and intensities. Bullets offer a gentle, accessible way to explore sensation, build confidence, and enjoy pleasure at your own pace.
Suction Vibrators
Suction vibrators offer a unique and intensely pleasurable experience that many find both surprising and delightful. Unlike traditional vibrators, these sex toys use gentle pulses of air to create a fluttering or suction-like sensation on the clitoris - providing focused stimulation without direct contact. The result? Powerful, often fast-building orgasms that feel different from anything else!
To get the most from your suction toy, try slicking a little water-based lube around the rim of the toy, then apply a bit more to your clitoral area. Gently spread the labia with one hand while positioning the toy over the clitoris with the other. Start on a low setting and increase only if and when it feels right. The toy forms a light vacuum around the clit, creating that signature "sucking" sensation that we adore.
Waterproof Vibrator
Do you love to relax in the bathtub or shower? If you enjoy a bit of me-time in the bathroom after a long day, a waterproof vibrator will soon become your best friend.
Designed to withstand water while delivering powerful pleasure, these toys are perfect for turning bath time into bliss time. Whether you're soaking in bubbles or enjoying a steamy shower, waterproof vibrators let you explore pleasure in a whole new setting. They're also easy to clean, making them a practical and hygienic choice for regular use.
Wand Vibrators
Wand vibrators are known for their strong, deep vibrations that can deliver intense and satisfying stimulation. Originally designed as muscle massagers, these versatile toys have become a favorite for those seeking powerful clitoral or body-wide pleasure. Their larger, rounded heads cover more surface area, making them perfect for broad, rumbly sensations that many find deeply relaxing and exciting.
Wand vibrators come with multiple speed and pattern settings so you can customize your experience. They can also be used on tense muscles to enhance relaxation.
Lube is Essential
If you are dilating, you are probably already familiar with lube, but if not, please allow us to enlighten you: Lube is the best thing.
Lube enhances sensation, feels sensual to use and makes touch slippery. But not all lube are created equal. It's crucial to find one that you like the feel of. With so many on the market, it can be tricky to pick just one. So we've done the job for you - and we do take our "homework" seriously!
Sh! Pure Lube is water-based and paraben-free. It's odour and flavour-free, and it works well for all types of pleasure. Sh! Pure comes in a bottle with a pump top, which is convenient for one-handed application :p
When it comes to lubrication, water-based lube is often the go-to option. It’s water-soluble, easy to rinse off, and generally more body-friendly for everyday use. However, if you're thinking about pleasure in the bath or shower, water-based lube may not hold up well as it washes away quickly with water.
For bath or shower play, a silicone-based lubricant is a better choice. Silicone-based lube is water-resistant and stays slick even when submerged, making it ideal for aquatic fun. Just keep in mind that silicone-based lubes aren't compatible with silicone sex toys, as they can damage the material over time. If you're planning to use a sex toy in water, opt for one made of plastic - like a bullet vibrator - which pairs safely with silicone lube.
Last Words...
Remember, living with vaginismus doesn’t mean pleasure is off the table - it just means your journey might look a little different. By focusing on what you can do and exploring the wide range of options available, you can reconnect with your body and rediscover intimacy on your terms. From gentle clitoral stimulation to innovative toys and thoughtful use of lube, there are many paths to joy, comfort, and connection.
Take your time, listen closely to your body, and allow yourself the grace to explore at your own pace. And with each small step, you’re not just nurturing your body; you’re celebrating your strength and your right to feel good.
You’ve got this. Your pleasure, your way.
