I’ve not got a partner. Can I still get over Vaginismus?
Yes, you can. A partner is not necessary in the journey to managing and overcoming Vaginismus. In fact, many women find it easier to not have a partner during this time as they can either feel pressure from the partner to progess faster, or feel internalised pressure (putting pressure on themselves) to progress faster. Working on your Vaginismus when you are single takes away this additional pressure and you can take as long as your body & mind need.
This also means that when you do meet someone you want to be intimate with, you'll have figured out what triggers your Vaginismus and you can then communitcate this to your new partner so the triggers can be avoded.
If I Meet Someone New, What Do I Do?
Being upfront about your condition is perfectly ok and whilst it can feel daunting the first few times you say it out loud, you'll feel more confident the more often you do it.
Instead of feeling shame and embarrassment over your Vaginismus, be open & honest and say that you're not into penetrative sex right now but that you're up for doing other sexy stuff. Great sex encompasses so much more than just putting body part A into body part B. There is kissing and touching and teasing and licking and sucking and spanking and...The list goes on and on and on!
Many couples work on the Vaginismus together. For example, if it's dilation time they may spend some time getting the body fully aroused in all manner of delicious ways and then use the dilator as a sex toy. You may want to hold the dilator and be in charge of any movements yourself, but your partner could play with your nipples, or play with a toy of their own whilst you watch each other. Incorporating your dilator into play makes it less of an medical device and more of a fun toy!
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