This year, Sh! marks Vaginismus Awareness Day with an online event providing support and advice to those living with painful sex and will give out dialator sets, donated to women on limited income, through our Pay it Forward scheme. To raise awareness about the impact of this condition, Sh! is gathering real-life stories to publish on the vaginismusawareness.com blog. The story below has been shared with us and the author has given us permission to share it with you.
Trigger Warning: SA
Please read the story with caution. You may find the content distressing or traumatic and if you do, please take a break and maybe call a friend, or engage in an activity that will help ground you. Love, Team Sh! xx
Hi, I am 18 years old and from India. I never heard of the word Vaginismus in my life until I tried having sex once and twice and hundreds of times, and then one fine day I googled why would my vagina not let a penis enter. And after a few more readings I understood I might have Vaginismus. I have never heard of anything called Vaginismus before and this is how unaware every Indian is. I don't think I freaked out much when I read about it but as I read more, I learned about the causes and I think that was when it started affecting me and my life. One cause of having Vaginismus is a history of child sexual abuse.
I have accepted my body lately. But, I have had a lot of body negativity. And I started commenting on my own body, being harsh to myself. And I hated my body for acting out. But yes I have accepted my body now, to some extent and accepted that I will need a diagnosis for this.
My Vaginismus story is just the experience of the last one year, but it has affected my mental health so much and I wish that no women should go through this. No women should feel any less of a women. I don't know if I will be able to diagnose anytime soon but I just hope one day this will be over and I'll be normal and be able to enjoy sex.
