Your sexuality doesn’t matter when it comes to Vaginismus. It’s not a discriminatory condition, so anyone with a vagina can develop it. This means lesbian women can develop it, as can straight women, bisexual women, asexual women, trans folx with a vagina…

Vaginismus tends to be noticed earlier if the person with the stubborn vagina tries to engage in penetration with a partner with a penis. It can be painful at entry point, or painful at certain points inside the vagina – or it could be impossible to insert at all. This alerts you to the fact that something isn't right. Sex should never be painful (unless you want it to be but that's a whole different situation).

For someone who doesn’t enjoy and engage in penetrative play regularly, Vaginismus may not be discovered until it’s time to get a smear test, for example. All of sudden something that seems like it should be so easy becomes a personal battle: Vagina vs Speculum.

Some womxn can use tampons, some can’t. Some can insert a finger or two, but not a dildo. Or the other way around; they may be able to take a dildo but not fingers, even if the fingers are shorter and slimmer. There are no ‘rules’ when it comes to Vaginismus.

If you suspect you’re experiencing Vaginismus, it’s very important you look for help and advice from a sex-positive health professional. This could be a Doctor or a Sex Therapist, or both. It needs to be someone you feel comfortable with, and someone who actively listens to you. It may take a while to find this person, but it’s worth persevering. We have a list of peeps we trust here: Therapists